Here's my scattershot thought process, such as it is:
- Closure is a myth. Things just end sometimes with no rhyme or reason. Relationships are seldom logical.
- There are worse things in life than being alone, but being alone is bloody hard.
- The only one punished by isolation is the one isolated.
There are a few things going on, some of which are dragging up old baggage. I was once driven off a sim because I made an OOC comment in IM about someone who complained there was nothing going on but never came out of the house, and was judged as 'worthless as a slave' because of it. My Master at the time decided it wasn't important enough to deal with the bullying, and I spent several months trying to find a balance between not taking off the collar and being a 'semi-owned' loose slave. It wasn't a happy time. A lot of nasty things happened during that time, and there were a lot of tears. Now I find myself in a not-quite the same but not quite different situation. This time, I have a safe place to go where I'm wanted, but it's not, oh so very not, where I want to be, which is at my Master's boot. I have a Master who wants me, but the sim situation is...well... yea.
I've tried ducking my head and just ignoring it. The latest brew-ha-ha occurred when I did what I was told to - pointed out a problem. Suddenly, I'm the problem. Gotta wonder at that point. Apparently there's been some back tracking but no one feels it's important that I actually be included in the 'well damn, perhaps that wasn't the best response' thing. Am I being petty? I know you're thinking it. Trust me, I've thought it. What I am is hoping that there's a lesson in here somewhere for the people involved - if you want to take a slice outta someone for doing what you told them, don't expect that telling OTHER people you maybe kinda coulda done something differently is going to work. Put on your big boy/girl pants and tell the person. Added to this are accusations I was going exactly what I was pointing out (thought insults). As with one of my former teaching spots, I was told "there have been complaints about you". No one bothered to tell me of these before I made some noise of course, and no one's bothered to tell me what the complaints were or if they were recent, or if they were in revenge for some OOC bullshit I decided to cut through with a knife. Sorry for the vague, but I dislike splashing names around ((unlike sage *snickers* sorry - I had to - I just had to get a laugh out of SOMETHING today))
I took a kick in the teeth from someone I didn't expect it from, and that combined with the admin response shook me enough I removed myself from the danger zone. Then today, I took another from the one person I thought wasn't going to do such, and now... well... my world has spun ass over teakettle. The problem with giving a damn is you get hurt. The problem with giving a very big damn is you can get hurt very badly. Tomorrow is another day. I'm hoping it's a better one.
"try to forget you're an organic pain collector heading towards oblivion" - Marvin the depressive robot.
